The Egg Drop Post

After arguing with my insurance company all day yesterday, I feel like my wings have been clipped. It’s a long drawn out story, but to make it short, it looks like I may have to do one more IUI before they will approve the IVF coverage.

I believe that what happened was that my old RE had negotiated with them so that I would only have to do two more IUIs before being approved. I even have that in writing, but somehow now that’s come down to the wire, they are singing a different tune.  I think it’s because one of the IUI’s that he was able to have counted was actually a fcanceled IUI cycle. Now that I am at a new facility, dealing with new people, they have gone back on their word.

Sure if I had the money or if my bio-clock was ticking, I could and would fight them in court, I definately think that I have a case, particularly because they have different medical standards for single women and women in same-sex relationships but, ultimately, I think I need to stay focused. Don’t get my wrong, I am going to speak with a lawyer and see what is possible, but no matter what happens, it doesn’t look like I am going to start my estrogen priming cycle next week. And that is my goal–to get started on IVF #2!

It’s all very frustrating and draining. Nadia keeps reminding me that they are doing this because they don’t want to pay. They are fighting this authorization tooth and nail because once I am approved, I think they are on the line for six IVF cycles, but I know I don’t have the stomach for that.

Anyway, I will keep you posted.

So I am still waiting to hear from my health insurance company about my IVF authorization. I can’t believe that they’ve had my complete information for weeks and yet they still haven’t made a determination. I think that they should be sued on criminal negligence.

Monday is a holiday, so they will probably be closed. Next Tuesday I am supposed to go have a biopsy for my endometrial co-culture and then I am supposed to start my estrogen patch on Tuesday. When are they going to get back to me?

What infuriates me is that Nadia and I are paying a hefty price for me to  be on her insurance and I can’t believe that I still haven’t heard anything.

I think the reason I haven’t heard from them yet is because they haven’t found a reason to reject me. I’m imagining them furiously pouring over 2 years worth of case files, checking every ‘t’ and ‘i’ to see if they were crossed and dotted correctly, hoping beyond hope to will find something out of place. God, I would love to meet one of them, so I could tell him to ‘get a life!’

I pray that tomorrow I get something from them in writing authorizing the procedure. I am extremely pissed off and I haven’t even started my medication yet!

So I’ve settled into my boring work routine and am just wanted to checklist off everything on my ivf prep checklist. Even though, I’ve only been back for a short week, I’ve done pretty well so far:

1.  Saline Sonogram–check
2.  SIS or sounding–to measure the transfer  etc.–check
3. Insurance Authorization–stil waiting on pins and needles
4.  Surge monitoring–check, started on Saturday
5.  Endo-metrial co-culture (scheduled after my ovulation/positive surge on test)
6.  Estrogren priming–will begin after my surge
7.  Ganirlix-a day after I start estrogen.
And then the wait for my period followed by a day 2 blast off to the IVF drug haze. 

 
The two procedures, I had last week were painless and I was out of the office in half an  hour. The last time I did a saline sonogram, I waited two hours suffered through what seemed like an endless procedure and then went straight to bed with excruciating cramps. In previous posts I named the saline sonogram the no-pain-no-gain exam because I hated it so much and thought it was going to kill me. My former RE, the doctor formerly known as Dr. Feelgood scared the beejesus out of me by stating “my uterus was stil distorted after the surgery”. And when I asked him what that meant, he said, “I don’t know,” which put me in a panic. But yesterday my new RE, Dr. Yoda, said that everything looked good. There was no mention of scaring or weird uterine formations.
 
So I’m waiting for insurance authorization and feeling an odd sense of calm.

We’re back from our South American Vacation and Nadia and I had a wonderful time. There was a lot of fun, family, beach, sand, sun, surf, beef, beef, beef and lots of love.  Nadia and I  were able to totally relax and enjoy one another. We connected in ways we hadn’t since we started the ttc, so the trip really did wonders for us.

We spent time with family for Christmas, then visited  some of the most beautiful beach towns I have ever seen and then we spent more time with family for New Years just before coming home.

Nadia is very close with her aunt, Chiquita who is 75. We spent as much time with her as we could because her health is deteriorating. She is a darling! She accepts me as Nadia’s wife and is really routing for us to have a baby. In fact for Christmas, she got me a flowered shirt “so that I can bloom”. It made me very emotional because we don’t have  a lot of support from Nadia’s family. Both of her parents died within the last three years.

 We also spent a lot of time with Nadia’s cousin, Mariella.  I love her to pieces! She is 39, recently married and on her own ttc journey. Needless to say, we’ve bonded around that. I will write more about her when I am less jet lagged; there is a three hour time difference, you know!

As you can see, the beach towns are gorgeous! It was summer down there but it wasn’t oppressively hot the way it gets in New York.

 It was a magical ttw and I actually convinced myself that I was pregnant, but I’m not. I celebrated New Year’s Day with Auntie Flo. Let’s face it, it would have been a great story, but it’s not my story.

IVF here I  come–again!

Today was a really special day. I had an ultrasound, mammogram, and a massage.

Okay, first for the ultrasound.  When I got there the waiting room was completely empty. What? It was empty because I guess they suspend IVF for the month of December so I was whisked right in. I have one left follie that was ready to pop, so they triggered me. Tomorrow, I go in for my last IUI.

Oddy, I’m excited. I guess I’m one of those gals who  believes that miracles can happen, especially around Christmastime. Maybe the stars are aligned and I won’t have to do another IVF. That would be magic!

Okay, then I shot across town for my mammogram. The last time I had a mammogram, sometime last year, it was just a few weeks after a failed medicated IUI cycle. That was the worst kind of pain. I don’t recommend having a mammogram anywhere near a medicated IUI cycle. Even though the actual length of the pain was brief, the pain itself rivaled my the intense pain after my fibroid surgery. Take heed, ladies!

Lastly, on to the massage. My last employer (it wasn’t all bad) gave me a gift certificate to a great spa downtown. I decided to schedule the massage today, after my mammogram, because I was anticipating a great need for some TLC. Well, let me tell you, it was quite special. I got there early and was able to bask in the water works: jacuzzi, sauna, and steam room. After being nicely soothed, I was led into a dimly lit room for an aromatherapy massage. I love lavender and it was adeptly rubbed all over my body. I tell you by the time I was done, I felt like a cozy wet noodle.

I only hope that these warm and fuzzy vibes triggered by my lavender embrace carry me through tomorrow’s IUI.

Well, this afternoon, I went to my old RE’s office. Not for the typical wanding experience but to pick up some blood results for my new RE. I saw a lot of old faces and some new faces but despite the familiarity of it all, it didn’t feel like home. I am really happy to be out of there. To be honest with you, I almost had a panic attack walking to his office from the subway. As I was walking there, I just keep thinking about this past year’s painful memories, especially my recent failed IVF Cycle. I did a lot of self talk and kept putting one foot in front of the other and then, suddenly, it was over.  I picked up with the lab results and scooted out of there in a quickly.

 Tomorrow at 7:30 A.M, I have an appointment for an 11-day ultrasound at my new RE for this final ‘natural’ IUI.  I’m leaving my house at 6:30 tomorrow morning.I’m nervous, relieved and bored with this journey all at the same time.

As always, I’ll keep you posted. xo

So we finally heard from Nadia’s doctor yesterday and she is totally fine. She doesn’t need any more treatment. No chemo. No radiation. So we are totally eggstatic!

What a relief. Now we can go back to fighting about the  ttc.

Seriously, I am going to do one more natural cycle IUI before the IVF insurance kicks so so  I’m going in next week for a day 11 ultrasound.

Yippee! 

Okay, so Nadia and I went to the doctor on Wednesday to get the results of the pathology report. In other words, we wanted to find out whether or not she is completely cured of thyroid cancer or if she has to have radiation treatment. So we waited, waited, and waited and guess what? We’re still waiting.

Apparently, the folks in the lab ate too much turkey so they weren’t able to get the labs done in time for our appointment. No, seriously, the doctor told us that they got backed up by holidays but that this was highly unusual. Normally, he has the labs well in advance of his requisite 10 day post-appointments. Unusual? Should I be worried?

I am trying to remain calm. Calm, I tell you! After all, if I’ve learned nothing else from this extended TTC journey, I’ve learned how to wait.

Hurmph!

I hope to hear something good first think Monday morning!

Nadia talks about foster care and adoption a lot! Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I’m moved by it and sometimes it hurts my feelings because I feel as if she’s rejecting my spawn.

Today, we had a great exchange. I think we’ve finally come to a meeting of the minds. But please don’t hold your breath– I don’t want your demise on my conscience.

Nadia and I have ‘decided’ that we will have two kids. First I will give birth and then we will adopt a foster child. For those of you who have been following this egg drop drama, this may seem like a so what, but for Nadia and I, this is actually a watershed moment.

We debated on whether or not to have kids for approximately six years. We debated whether or not we would have one or two kids for the same amount of time. Throughout the majority of our relationship (we are approaching 8 years), I have been completely ambivalent about having kids. For most of my life, I rejected the idea of motherhood in its entirety.

So, I know that it is a bit odd for Nadia to discover that giving birth is all I think about. On the other hand, Nadia has shared my ambivalence about starting a family for the longest time. As a teenager she used to fantasize about having five kids, but she was never clear on how she actually got them. At any rate, it’s strange for me to discover that she is passionately committed to adopting a foster child. I never knew how much that meant to her. Sometimes you discover a thing about a loved one while she is discovering the same exact thing about herself.

I think that the TTC journey, particularly these last few months, stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions for Nadia.

So, despite the fact that Nadia accompanied me on my first visit to Dr Feelgood, my wonderful RE, and helped me pick out donors on numerous occasions, I now know for a fact that we were at a bit of an impasse while I was actively trying to conceive.

Now, I think we have moved significantly closer in our approach to childrearing. I think that this forced break has given us time to breathe and hear one another. And the fact that we can actually hear one another makes all of the difference. Little by little we are figuring out a way for us to both get what we want.

In our perfect world, we both win and Godot gets a sibling.