The Egg Drop Post

Tomorrow Nadia and I are going to the RE so he can assess my healing and let me know when we can TTC again. I am excited, nervous, scared and, quite frankly, a little bored with the whole thing.

I wish I could disengage completely and have a rest from my egg drop neurosis. But, I can’t do that.

The fact of the matter is that as soon as I am able I will brave the elements at ungodly hours to endure countless sonograms, inject myself with fertility drugs and, ultimately, open myself to all of the vulnerabilty and anticipation that comes after every insemination.

I hope that tomorrow brings a new and improved TTC timeline.

10. People who read my blog. I love the commentors, lurkers and emailers who care about my TTC journey and cheer me on.

9. Good health insurance. I had a friend who recently had a hysterectomy and got a bill in the mail for $27,000.

8. My fuzzy, wuzzy cats and their undying love.

7. Chocolate

6 Pillows.

5. Draw string pants and other clothes in the back of my closet that don’t aggravate my incision.

4. The Repro Blogosphere. I am so glad that I am not alone in my madness.

3. Surviving Surgery. Let’s hope that my doctor is right and that we eliminated the root cause of my infertility.

2. My friends and family who put up with me.

1. Nadia, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

I want to thank the universe for all of these wonderful things in my life.

When I decided to have my myomectomy, I decided that I would tell people that I was having a myomectomy. Normally, I am a very private person, but I did not want to tell people that I was having surgery and then leave the rest to their imagination. I did not want them to go wild, thinking that I had a brain tumor, malignant cancer or something equally as egregious, so I told the truth, but that decision lead to several little lies.

For example, as soon as word got out around the office about my myomectomy, folks–who I normally don’t speak to very much–would come up to me and converse with me about the “length of my periods”, the” size of my fibroids”, “my physical discomfort”. People assumed that I had fibroids the size of watermelons growing uncontrollably inside my uterus and that that was why I had to have the surgery. More often then not, they started confiding to me about their fibroid symptoms including: anemia; discomfort–due to their size; and the length of their periods, which in some cases lasted over two weeks.

I feel bad because I didn’t have the courage to set the record straight. And it’s not because I am not an honest person or that I lack integrity. I just didn’t want people to know the truth–which is that that the only reason I had the surgery was because my RE thought it was preventing me from getting pregnant. Given their size, location, and the minimal effect they had on my body, I could have lived with them forever, but for the fact that they were distorting my uterus.

I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty about the fact that I did not clarify, or set the record straight with my well meaning colleagues. In some cases, I even elaborated on a particular ‘mythical’ symptom because, in some instances, if I said nothing or refused to respond, it would have created more suspicion or, at the very least, lead to more agonizing discussion. And in most cases, I wanted the fibroid exchanges to be very, very brief, if I had to have them at all.

So, this is a kind of confession. Thanks for listening. I did what I did for a reason and if I had to do it over again, I would handle it exactly the same way, but I don’t feel good about it.

My thoughts at 3am this morning….Owwie! Ouch! Ooo! Aaah! F#ck!

In case you were wondering, having fibroids removed via abdominal incision hurts like hell.

Thank God for prescription drugs!

And thank God for my peeps!

That was my first thought when I opened my eyes in the recovery room. I feel so happy and blessed to be alive. I am safe at home and eager to catch up on the repro blogosphere and share some of my war aka hospital stories.

More to come…

Okay, I promised myself that I would not post about my job and, believe me I am usually quite good at demonstrating restraint, but I can’t resist this one story.

Two days ago my boss came to me and asked if I would travel to Europe for the job in October. I know this may sound glamorous, but keep reading…

She wants me to go to Europe to represent the organization at a two day meeting the week of my surgery. She wants me to spend four days abroad and arrive back in the U.S two days before my surgery, which she knows all about. I told her that I was scheduled to have blood work done at the hospital during that time, so I did not think I could make it. And her response was, “can you call your doctor, change the date of your blood work, and make the trip?”She was not apologetic about her request. She would really like to go to this very important meeting, but she has a ‘conflict’.

I think my conflict is a little more pressing. I don’t want to arrive back in the U.S. exhausted, jet-lagged, with airborne germs floating in my system two days before my first surgery. If I have a cold the day of my surgery, it may have to be rescheduled. Don’t I have enough anxiety to deal with? I am dying to get back to my copious egg counting and egg drop drama hampster wheel.

Needless to say, I said, no, but I know she will ask me at least two more times before October.

Now that am counting down the days to my convalescence. I thought I would ask for reading recommendations. I love all kinds of books, so I am totally open, but I have been told that I won’t be able to concentrate immediately after my surgery. Given the fact that the recovery time is 4 to 6 weeks, I am assuming that I will be able to polish off a few good books.

Any suggestions? What are some of your favorites?

Also, I have some to recommend as well. There is more to come when I have more time and when Nadia doesn’t need to write a report for work.

Stay Tuned!

Everyone should have a doctor friend like Dr. Val. Dr. Val just finished her residency in Ob/Gyn in Connecticut and she is now embarking on her own private practice down South. A mutual friend gave me her number so I could talk to her about the pros and cons of surgery. When I called she was very generous and patient. She let me know that there is still plenty of hope and plenty of time for me and my egg drop drama.

Thanks, Dr. Val!

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I have elected to follow my RE’s advice and have the myomectomy.

Now if I could only stop researching everything that could go wrong during surgery, how the surgery could affect my chances of getting pregnant, and how the surgery may result in a hysterectomy, I think I would be able to come to terms with my decision and stop second guessing myself.

Patience is a virtue!