The Egg Drop Post

As planned, Nadia and I went to the doctor last Friday. I’m still trying to process it and figure out what it all means.

But anyhoo, he said that the fact that I made 18 eggs this time means that I’m not a ‘poor responder’ and that I should definitely try it again. As soon as he said that, I heard a cash register in my head. He said that at my age and with that kind of response, my chances of getting pregnant were about 50%.

According to Dr. Yoda, there are many reasons why this cycle may have failed:

1. Bad eggs

2. Bad sperm

3. Just plain ol’ bad luck

He said that we could start again as early as next month with the estrogen and co-culture stuff. He would do the same protocol but maybe start with a lower dosage. The fact that I had 18 eggs, but 10 immature suggests, according to him, that I should have been on meds for a couple more days.

 I don’t know. I’m happy that he said my chances are 50-50 but psychologically I feel very depleted.

I’m am very torn and grateful that Nadia decided to wait one month from my BFN to make any decisions.

Last Sunday, Nadia and I went to a picnic for pre- and post- adoptive parents. We have a friend who adopted an incredible little girl 5 years ago whom we both adore. Our friend has been encouraging us to adopt an infant for some time; it’s almost to the point of being annoying! But given my recent failed cycle, we agreed to join her at the picnic.
 
The whole affair was pretty low stress and, let’s face it, last Sunday was an absolutely perfect day weather wise. Everyone was very friendly and it was an incredibly diverse environment, queers, straights and some instances of children of color with white adoptive parents, needless to say, Nadia and I felt very comfortable.
 
Nadia kept checking in on me to see how I was feeling. I have to admit that, surprisingly, I didn’t feel the need to break down, though contemplating the reality that I may  not be able to have my own biological child does make me very sad. I think a lot of my sadness stems from the fact that I lost my mother when i was 23 and I have no nieces or nephews. I was really looking forward to having that biological connection with her. Well, frankly, ladies, it’s looking less and less like that will ever happen. I’m in mourning but exploring my options; and keeping myself in motion helps a lot.
 
In other news, tomorrow morning is my appointment with my RE and here are the questions I have for him:

1. WTF?

2. Why didn’t any of my 8 mature eggs fertilize? How common is that? 

3. Does that mean that my eggs are just “too old”?

4. If we were to do this again, how would you change the protocol?

5. Given my history, what are my chances of success?

6. At what point do you recommend that patients throw in the towel and explore donor egg or adoption?

This is where I need your help….What else do you think I should ask? What would you ask if you were me?
 
Thanks!

I came by this story today and it made me smile.

According to the AP, two male penguins are cautiously guarding the entrence to their cave in Northern Germany where they are fostering a six weeks old penguin chick. After a penguin egg had been abandoned by its biological parents. The two male penguins adopted it, carefully nurturing it so it could hatch.

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something?

I have been trying to explore my options and be open to whatever comes next.

Nadia and I have an appointment with my RE next Friday to see if he can tell me why this last IVF cycle did not work. Unless, he can tell me why my 8 mature eggs did not fertlize, I can’t see why I would do IVF again.

So maybe, we’ll become a couple of penguins?