We will meet with the judge to finalize Baby Jay’s adoption, witnessed by family and friends, on Wednesday, December 15th. We are thrilled to pieces; we can hardly contain ourselves.

Of course, I will blog all about it.

In other news, Baby Jay has his first tooth. It is a lower middle tooth and it popped out just in time for Thanksgiving!  He didn’t really fuss or cry too much but, of course, there was a lot of drooling. He didn’t have turkey for Thanksgiving, but he sure will have a taste on Christmas day.

So we got two early Christmas gifts. Keep ‘em coming!

Baby Jay loves to dance, and by dancing I mean that he loves to hop up and down (with assistance, of course) to the rhythm of a good beat. Among of his favorites are MJ’s Thriller and Baby Loves Jazz.

In addition to hopping, he has started to scoot on his belly-backwards–like a squid–which I’ve heard is a precursor to crawling. It’s very cute, and I’m not just saying that because I’m his Mama.

He also loves to eat.  In addition to his baby formula, he eats pureed carrots, squash, and peas. Yummy! After our doctor’s visit next week, we may introduce the sippy cup. Can you believe it?

All in all, my parental leave has been wonderful and I am dreading the day that I have to go back to work in early January, but I still have some time before I really need to deal with that, so I will put that post off until another day.

Baby Jay is still not technically “ours”. We have all of our paperwork into the court,  and our adoption agency has done their part, but we are still waiting for a court day. Until then, he is still technically, a ward of our adoption agency; they are still legally responsible for him. My lawyer thinks that the court may be able to schedule us by the end of the year, but today is November 17th,  and I’m starting to think that our ”end of the year finalization chances” are a little slim. As many of you know, I do believe in miracles, and it would be great to finalize before Baby Jay’s first Christmas, but I’m not going to hold my breath.

Obviously,  I would like to finalize as soon as possible. I have  my reasons. First and foremost, I crave the emotional relief of knowing that Baby Jay is truly ours in the eyes of the court.  It would be such a relief, so comforting, really a dream come true. Also, I would love to be able to file for the adoption tax credit next year. That refund check will definitely come in handy.

Lastly, I look forward to the day, when I will no longer have to schedule visits with our social workers. My wife is a social worker so, of course, I love social workers, but these visits are exhausting and a bit awkward, to say the least. After six months, it’s hard to submit an check up from a third party evaluator, no matter who ‘nice’ they are. Intellectually, I know that the court requires us to be monitored but, emotionally, it feels a little invasive. I don’t know how people deal with it.

Anyway, I guess dealing with these visits are a small price to pay for my precious prince, Baby Jay!

 After three years of trying to get pregnant, three months ago, I  became a mom  through the miracle of domestic adoption. 

This week will be an exciting one. I promise the first Egg Drop Post give away, surveys, interviews, and much, much more.

I am looking forward to reconnecting with many of you and meeting many more.

I feel as if it has been ages and ages since I sat down and really did a ‘real’ blog post that was longer and more thoughtful than a drive by. Since Baby Jay came our way, I have been playing catch up. God added water and we became instant parents. Baby Jay is nothing but a pure blessing from heaven but he came to us so quickly that I barely had time to get the right size diapers let alone the accompanying accouterments.

 Nadia and I are just getting around to putting his nursery together—2 months after his birth– and we are slowly starting to exhale.  I still feel overwhelmed when I go into a baby store but it’s getting better and that’s thanks, in large part, to many of you.

 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 Nadia and I are completely in love with Baby Jay. We are awe struck, really.

 But in the midst of my reverie, I feel compelled to share another teachable moment. Just this weekend, Nadia and I were getting ready to go on a picnic with one of my BFFs and her son, M, who is 4. We were in a corner deli often referred to as a ‘Bodega’ here in the city, getting food and drink for the afternoon outing.

 As background, just in case you didn’t know, Nadia and I live in upper Manhattan, which is not known for being ‘gay-friendly’. On the other hand, I have never experienced any outright discrimination in my neighborhood and I know a lot (!) of queer people who here so I walk very confidently around ‘hood. I never really think about what people are thinking of me so in some ways, I am a little oblivious, but happy.

 Anyhoo, this weekend we were all standing around the Bodega counter, when older black woman said to no one in particular “whose boy is this,” referring to Baby Jay. She looked at Nadia, my BFF and me and I looked back at her  a little sheepishly and she said to me, “Oh, this is your son. You can’t deny it. He looks just like you.” And I said, “well…” and Nadia gave me a look which seemed to say “don’t.”  

 I was about to say, “Well, he’s our son” but Nadia stopped me. Why? What was she thinking? Was she thinking, like I often do, that she didn’t want to deal with any “negative reactions.” Often times, I don’t come out to people I don’t know, not because I’m ashamed of who I am, but simply because I am just tired of dealing with other people’s bull. It can be exhausting to have to defend my life, when I’m really just trying to get a sandwich, you know?

 The woman went on to say, “You can’t deny your blood. He looks just like you. And they say that’s good luck when a boy resembles his mother.” After that we paid for our sandwiches and left.

 So that whole left me with a lot of mixed feelings.

 At first, I was really at a loss for words. Part of me was secretly thrilled that she thought he looked like me. Many people have said Baby Jay and I resemble one another and there is a part of me that experiences that as a badge of honor. I wanted to give birth to my own child for so long and now I have Jay and it just thrills me on some level that he is so gorgeous and wonderful and that looks like he could be my biological son.

 However, when we left the store, I heard Nadia say to Baby Jay, “you are my son too, don’t forget that.” And I felt horrible. I said to her “are you okay?”

 And she replied, “I don’t really care about what that woman said, but I’m worried about what will happen when Baby Jay get’s older. What will happen when he understands that he is adopted and how will he feel during those kinds of exchanges?”  

 Neither one of us wants him to feel ashamed of the fact that he has two moms and, of course, we don’t want him to feel shame about his adoption, so we do need to figure out what we are going to say to folks.

 It’s tricky because people really don’t have a right to know anything about my personal life; on the other hand, I want Baby Jay to be proud of who he is.

 What would you do?

It has made me think that they put steroids in his formula. I am not complaining but, I’m just saying, lifting him has turned into  a real work out!

I promise to write a real long post soon but it’s hard to juggle work (yes, I am still working full-time until September) and the glorious demands of newborn. Fortunately, Nadia is home with him during the day now, so he is well fed, changed, and cared for.

More to follow soon. I promise….

xo

Finally, the Happy Dance for me!

So then, I started the adoption process and I started another wait. Instead of waiting for my body to do something, I was often waiting on someone else. First and foremost was the paper wait. i spent a lot ot time waiting for paper to be sent, filled out, filed, and approved.

Then, I launched my ad campaign and started waiting for the phone to ring! Every day, I would wait by the phone and that was a different shade of hell. It was more externalized, less personalized, and gave me a little distance from the voices in my head that beat me up when I’m under stress, but I still heard voices.

This is never going to work. You are never going to be a mom. You’ve made another mistake.

Luckily,  after three years, we finally turned a corner.

Okay, now that we have our precious Baby Jay, I feel like I am running the last leg of a marathon. I am almost there, tired, and out of breathe, but I see the finish line.

 Jay’s birth mom has until Friday to change her mind. After Friday, in the court’s mind, she would have relinquished any of her rights to Baby Jay and we will be free to more towards adoption finalization. Friday, June 18th, represents a crossing over of sorts for me and it makes this wait all the more difficult.

This time, I have the baby. I know his smile, his smell, his likes and dislikes. I am no longer living in the realm of fantasy. This is real. Jay is my son. When I hold him in my arms, when I am burping him, for example,  it couldn’t be more real. I know his cries: hungry, gassy, and tired. It would be beyond words devastating if Baby Jay’s birth mom were to call before Friday. Even though it hasn’t even been a month since I met him, I can’t even imagine my life without him. Nadia is counting down the days and has been since we brought him home. I am not and I’m not quite sure why.

I have been thinking, Friday will come and go and he will be ours. But as Friday nears, I keep thinking about what his birth mom could be going through. What is she thinking? How is she feeling? Has she thought about picking up the phone? She has our 1-800# and my email; I gave them to her. She could call me or the agency at any time. Does she have regrets? Or is she is fiendishly trying to put the whole thing behind her and move on with her life?

I guess I will never know. But what I do know is that whatever she thinks and doesn’t think, I will forever be in her debt because she gave me a perfect gift; she gave me this moment. I am Jay’s mom. The is what I have been waiting for: the here and the now with my son.

Nadia and I are loving every minute of it.

He is scrumptious!

Unfortunately, I can’t post any identifying photos for at least 30 days. His birth mom has until Friday, June 18th to change her mind. After that time, we work with the agency to  finalize the adoption.

I’ll write more when I can.