The Egg Drop Post

So the last time we met, I had had 7 follicles that yielded 4 eggs. Yesterday I learned that 2 were mature and they both fertilized.

Today I learned that one of my little embryos is an A- minus and the other one is “unknown”.

You see this morning when Jack, my embryologist, went to check on them he found that one had split into four cells and that one had not done anything at all. According to Jack, I shouldn’t worry because there is still plenty of time for the little guy to catch up to his big brother or sister. It’s just time for me to play wait and see.

Anyway, believe it or not, despite the fact that I am a nervous wreck, I’m still optimistic. I do believe in miracles. And let’s face it, an A- isn’t a bad grade. It’s something to celebrate.

Tomorrow I am going to have acpuncture before and after my transfter, which will take place around 11:15.

Wish me luck!

 I had four eggs retrieved this morning. We’re not quite sure what happened to the fifth one my doctor spotted on Thursday, but he seemed very hopeful. I was totally freaked out that we lost one along the way but he assured me that things could really work out and that I should not worry at this point. 

Tomorrow morning they will  let me know how many were fertilized. We are fairly confident that it will be a day three transfer, which puts me at a Tuesday.

The procedure was quick but I am very, very tired and I feel crampy. Tonight I start on progestrone suppositories (yuck) and tomorrow  morning I start my shots (ouch).

Okay, so I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times since my last post. It turns out that I have 7 follicles but it’s more than likely that I will only have 3 or 4 eggs for retrieval. We will pull the trigger tomorrow night and have the retrieval on Saturday.  My transfer will probably Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.

Three shots a day is too much for me. The medication is kicking my arse. It’s kind of like  PMS on steroids. I feel a constant range and rush of emotions; it’s very hard to keep it together.

I hope this works because–Rosie the Riveter aside– I really don’t know if I have what it takes to do this again.

Okay, remember this feeling: You come home from a long day’s work, run to the refrigerator and you pull out an ice cold beer; you pick up the beer twist the cap and, if you’re lucky, it’s so cold that it emits a cold vapor cloud, and you just want to say ‘Aaaah’?

Well, imagine what that beer must feel. Yesterday, I imagined myself as that cold beer waiting, waiting, and waiting when suddenly my cap was popped, and I too felt a sense of release. Yesterday I got some relief from the incredible hell of the IVF cocktail. This morning, I feel soo much better than yesterday

Here’s what worked:

Acupuncture. It really worked yesterday. It was the first time I had a treatment sinse I started the cocktail and remembered why I do it. I felt such a sense of relief after my treatment yesterday

Green Tea. Even though I hate the caffeine, it just makes me feel less out of it.

Lavender. I have lavender hand cream and I used it lavishly yesterday. It really helps to calm my anxiety. I also have a lavender sleep pillow which enables me to sleep through the night. I feel like a new woman.

Nadia. ‘Nuff said.

All of You. Thanks for your support!

 I went to the RE yesterday and he told me that everything was ‘excellent’ which should have made me feel better but it didn’t. I remain anxious and cranky. Getting up at 5 AM is no piece of cake and I’m tired. When I arrived there at 7AM there were 4 women ahead of me. Ugh! It sucks to wake up that early and have to wait.

The only things that actually make me feel better are green tea (which it tough because I tried  to  give up caffeine) and ginger tea. Everything else, and I do mean EVERYTHING ELSE is just a pain in my arse and contributes to my headache and bloated feelings. Oh, and every once in a while I feel a little twinge of pain in my ovaries.
 
I also learned yesterday that I am going to start Ganitrex on Sunday. So I will be taking Gonal F (225) in the AM and Menopur (3 vials) in the PM with a dash of Ganitrex. And where do all of the needles go you might ask? in the gut! I want to thank my appetite for giving me my love handles aka  ‘the squishy midddle’ so that Nadia always has some ‘prime real estate’. Needless to say,  I can’t wait to start the progestrone shots.
 
He did say that I would have (only) about one more week of medication, so that’s good news, right?

Yesterday, in honor of Labor Day Nadia and I got up early to start the wanding aka frequent vjajay ultrasounds at the doctor’s office. I saw Dr. Feelgood and he seemed happy to see me. The nurses also greeted me with their warm smiles and I really have mixed feelings about that. After a year and I half, I have  good relationship with my RE and his staff. Ho hum.

Anyway, Dr. Feelgood discovered that I had a small cyst on my left ovary and told me that the blood work would let us know if my estrogen level was too high to proceed. I was so dejected when I heard that and I wanted to burst into tears but he told me that blood work would determine whether or not we could proceed.I spent the afternoon on pins and needles waiting for a call and, fortunately, it turned out that everything was fine. 

I got my first shot of Gonal-F in the gut this morning at 7am. Tonight I do 3 vials of menopur, also in the gut. As I try not to look at Nadia’s hand as the needle puncture my stomach, I’m glad for the padding around my middle. It’s a good thing I never lost any of the 15lbs my OB wanted me to lose.

Nadia keeps asking me if I feel excited and the answer is ‘no’. I feel scared. If this doesn’t work, I will be very upset but I am trying to be positive and stress free, though it is a little difficult with pounding heatache.  I think this cycle will require a lot of hard wok and effort on my part. Work to get up and get to the RE by 7AM as well as work to keep myself motivated and on track with my diet with lots of green leafy vegetable, vitamins, daily walks and flax seed.

And so in the tradition of previous cycles before me, I hereby christen this cycle “the Rosie the Riveter Cycle” for all of the women out there like who are laboring hard to conceive, or to create families in whatever way they so choose, to all of them, I say ‘ladies, we can do it!’

Okay, so I spent a large part of my weekend waiting for the Flo. I mean, when already. I found many ways to distract myself, though none of them really held my attention for too long. I kept running to the bathroom to see if It was here, really to no avail. i was like a kid waiting for Santa Claus and I kept thinking of that old boring adage about the pot. And then something happened.

She’s arrived.

I will go the RE tomorrow morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed to christen my IVF cycle, with stirrups, sonograms and lots and lots of needles, oh my!

Let the wanding begin!

So my last post about being in a pickle was cited in Mel’s article about Women the Workplace and their Damn Organs , thanks Mel!

Apparently, I’m not the first person to have to confront the issue of what to tell her boss during an IVF cycle–who knew! It turns out that this is a huge issue and, in fact, Cheryl Hall in Chicago was laid off because she took time off from work for her fertility treatments. A local court recently granted her the right to sue her company for pregnancy-related bias. According to the Wall Street Journal Article , " The ruling expands a trend toward recognizing infertility as a medical problem (yeah!)… Also, more employees are seeking time off for treatment under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act: this law; which entitled covered workers up to 12 week’s unpaid time off, may apply in some cases if a doctor certifies the treatment is for serious health conditions."

Also, the California Supreme Court just ruled that gays and lesbians must be treated equally under the law by the medical establishment which means that a conservative fertility clinic was wrong to deny Guadeloupe Benitez fertility treatment in 1999 because was not legally married. Here’s the video of you would like to know more:

So basically the law is on my side at every turn. All of this should make me feel better, right? I mean, given what is going on in the world, and given the bravery of women like Cheryl and Guadeloupe, I should feel empowered to march right into my supervisors office and say, " Supervisor, Nadia and I are trying to start a family damnit and I need some time off!" But I have to admit, I’m still scared shitless.

According to my ticker, I have approximately (everything in TTC land is approximate) 6 more days until I start all of the shots and have those hormones raging again, not to mention the countdown to my egg retrieval and transfer–ugh! Also I have yet to decide exactly what I am going to tell my supervisor about those days off. My RE’s office opens early enough that if I kill myself and get there before 7 A.M, I can definately make it to work by 9, so that’s not a problem. The clock is ticking and I’m walking on egg shells to pass the time.

So far everytime I try to muster up the nerve to tell her, I chicken out. I keep thinking that no matter what I say, she is going to know what I’m doing. I think I have an invisible ‘I want to have a baby sign’ on my forehead, so I overcompensate by keeping the door closed to that "sympathetic" conversation. Because of that, I’m still grappling with what I should say. Now mind you, I have received some incredible advice from all of you and for that I am truly grateful, but I am still unsure about how honest I want to be. You see, I don’t really want anyone at work to know what I am going through. Not only am I an extremely (!) private person, but it for some bizarre reason it doesn’t work, I don’t want to have to deal with folks asking me about it.

Well, the good news is that she is on vacation so I don’t have to really think about it until she gets back next week.

Okay, so as you know, I am getting myself in gear for my next IVF cycle. After talking to my doctor and reading everything I can get my hands on about IVF, I am pretty sure that I will have to take off two days after the egg retrieval and one day after the transfer.

Now I just started my new job on July 1. Should I tell my boss that I’m having a procedure done and that I’ll need to take some days off, even though I can’t predict when those will be? or should i just call in sick? I definately don’t feel comfortable telling her that I want to get pregnant and that I am going to do in-vitro.

What would you do?