Comments on: Help Needed with This Week’s Teachable Moment: Donor Egg vs. Adoption http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/ Two Brides, One Adoption Story Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:35:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Brandy http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2526 Brandy Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:34:36 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2526 Wow. As someone who does not want to pursue the adoption route, I find her statements very disturbing! Ick! ICLW Wow. As someone who does not want to pursue the adoption route, I find her statements very disturbing! Ick!

ICLW

]]> By: kris http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2483 kris Tue, 16 Feb 2010 01:56:06 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2483 I don't know how I would have replied, but after investigating donor egg, I know it's a path I do not want to take. While sperm donors tend to come from all levels of society, women who want to donate eggs are generally those who are financially desperate. (Check out the profiles on donor egg websites sometimes--these are women who generally have low paying jobs and/or obviously need money). I don't blame them for wanting compensation for their eggs;what I'm saying is that buying an egg feels more exploitative than buying sperm. I felt like I would be taking advantage of someone and making them go through hell. Donating sperm is just not that traumatic. A lot of egg donors are also actresses and models and they have pictures of themselves from their modeling portfolios on the donor egg sites. In some, they are dressed in lingerie or revealing clothes. I felt like a man picking out an escort when I looked at the pictures. It made the whole transaction aspect of the process stand out. Good luck with adoption. We may pursue that. I don’t know how I would have replied, but after investigating donor egg, I know it’s a path I do not want to take. While sperm donors tend to come from all levels of society, women who want to donate eggs are generally those who are financially desperate. (Check out the profiles on donor egg websites sometimes–these are women who generally have low paying jobs and/or obviously need money). I don’t blame them for wanting compensation for their eggs;what I’m saying is that buying an egg feels more exploitative than buying sperm. I felt like I would be taking advantage of someone and making them go through hell. Donating sperm is just not that traumatic. A lot of egg donors are also actresses and models and they have pictures of themselves from their modeling portfolios on the donor egg sites. In some, they are dressed in lingerie or revealing clothes. I felt like a man picking out an escort when I looked at the pictures. It made the whole transaction aspect of the process stand out. Good luck with adoption. We may pursue that.

]]> By: artsweet http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2455 artsweet Thu, 11 Feb 2010 01:20:10 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2455 A better gene pool? Do you mean a whiter gene pool? This comment coming from an adoptive mom makes me cringe the way I cringe when people on Guat-adoption message boards make negative comments about Guatemalan culture - and this is your children's heritage you're talking about. I think the flies coming into my dropped open mouth might have been a commentary on what I thought of her statement. I'm not sure I'd have come back with a clever comeback. A better gene pool? Do you mean a whiter gene pool?

This comment coming from an adoptive mom makes me cringe the way I cringe when people on Guat-adoption message boards make negative comments about Guatemalan culture – and this is your children’s heritage you’re talking about.

I think the flies coming into my dropped open mouth might have been a commentary on what I thought of her statement. I’m not sure I’d have come back with a clever comeback.

]]> By: Edd Donors http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2437 Edd Donors Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:39:43 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2437 Great Post..... I found your site on stumbleupon and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road! Thanks for sharing.... Great Post…..

I found your site on stumbleupon and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

Thanks for sharing….

]]> By: Felicia http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2412 Felicia Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:37:56 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2412 Hi, I found your blog via a post you made at Adoptive families. I really like what I have read of your writings so far. Anyway, on to this particular post.... I have no idea how I would have responded, but I am appalled at the comments made. The woman in question somehow managed to generalize and malign mothers who place children for adoption domestically, children who are placed for adoption domestically, and children in both the foster care and special education system all at once. No small feat. I am the adoptive mother of a brown baby boy. I am also an educator and the daughter of a mother who has devoted her life to special education. I do understand these personal attributes may make me a bit sensitive to the comments made, but really, they were awful comments. Hi, I found your blog via a post you made at Adoptive families. I really like what I have read of your writings so far. Anyway, on to this particular post….

I have no idea how I would have responded, but I am appalled at the comments made. The woman in question somehow managed to generalize and malign mothers who place children for adoption domestically, children who are placed for adoption domestically, and children in both the foster care and special education system all at once. No small feat. I am the adoptive mother of a brown baby boy. I am also an educator and the daughter of a mother who has devoted her life to special education. I do understand these personal attributes may make me a bit sensitive to the comments made, but really, they were awful comments.

]]> By: Eva http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2406 Eva Tue, 02 Feb 2010 02:41:07 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2406 Thank you all for your honesty; it really, really means a lot to me. In fact, I really can't put into words how much your comments have really touched me. Thanks again! Thank you all for your honesty; it really, really means a lot to me. In fact, I really can’t put into words how much your comments have really touched me. Thanks again!

]]> By: cindyhoo2 http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2405 cindyhoo2 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 02:23:06 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2405 This post has been sitting with me ever since you put it up. There are so many emotionally-charged issues that I think most people don't even know how to talk about them. To be honest, I also feel uncomfortable but in the interest of an academic discussion I will list the issues other people have not: 1) race- most egg donors (at least in my area) are white and as you know choosing a "white only" child from adoption slows down the process considerably. 2) prenatal issues- a) most people living in poverty do not eat as well as people in higher economic statuses. Fresh fruits and veggies cost more money thus many people living in poverty often subsist upon processed foods with low nutritional content. Donor eggs allow people to better control prenatal health. b) people with less education are more likely to smoke during pregnany and get poorer prenatal care c) poverty and substance abuse are a viscious cycle. Adopted children are more likely to have prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, increasing the liklihood of learning and emotional difficulties. My guess is that adopted children are more likely to end up in SpEd but not as a result of poverty--- as a result of some of the co-effects of poverty. 3) for me, donor eggs were the option of 1st choice because I desperately wanted the experience of being pregnant and giving birth. Of course this seems to no longer be an option but hopefully I will get to know my 1st child/children as Joey carries them for us. These are the issues I think people can legitimately consider when deciding between donor eggs and adoption. Hopefully I will have a child from each source in a few years and can compare. :) This post has been sitting with me ever since you put it up. There are so many emotionally-charged issues that I think most people don’t even know how to talk about them. To be honest, I also feel uncomfortable but in the interest of an academic discussion I will list the issues other people have not:
1) race- most egg donors (at least in my area) are white and as you know choosing a “white only” child from adoption slows down the process considerably.
2) prenatal issues- a) most people living in poverty do not eat as well as people in higher economic statuses. Fresh fruits and veggies cost more money thus many people living in poverty often subsist upon processed foods with low nutritional content. Donor eggs allow people to better control prenatal health. b) people with less education are more likely to smoke during pregnany and get poorer prenatal care c) poverty and substance abuse are a viscious cycle. Adopted children are more likely to have prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, increasing the liklihood of learning and emotional difficulties. My guess is that adopted children are more likely to end up in SpEd but not as a result of poverty— as a result of some of the co-effects of poverty.
3) for me, donor eggs were the option of 1st choice because I desperately wanted the experience of being pregnant and giving birth. Of course this seems to no longer be an option but hopefully I will get to know my 1st child/children as Joey carries them for us.

These are the issues I think people can legitimately consider when deciding between donor eggs and adoption. Hopefully I will have a child from each source in a few years and can compare. :)

]]> By: Wishing4One http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2382 Wishing4One Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:40:06 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2382 Um, i so do not have any advice, sorry girl. If she was telling that to me I think i would have walked away, rude yes, but I would not know what to say.at.all. Anyway best wishes in your search for your baby, how exciting! Happy ICLW.. Um, i so do not have any advice, sorry girl. If she was telling that to me I think i would have walked away, rude yes, but I would not know what to say.at.all. Anyway best wishes in your search for your baby, how exciting! Happy ICLW..

]]> By: Busted Kate http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2380 Busted Kate Wed, 27 Jan 2010 03:17:15 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2380 Wow, that is quite a controversial statement. I don't know enough to debate the validity of it, but on face value I can see why it would be tough to respond to. In giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she's just one of those really blunt people who are just a little too honest. Its tough all around. Happy ICLW :-) Wow, that is quite a controversial statement. I don’t know enough to debate the validity of it, but on face value I can see why it would be tough to respond to. In giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she’s just one of those really blunt people who are just a little too honest. Its tough all around.

Happy ICLW :-)

]]> By: Trinity http://www.mommieshere.com/2010/01/25/help-needed-with-this-week%e2%80%99s-teachable-moment-donor-egg-vs-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-2379 Trinity Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:12:11 +0000 http://www.eggdroppost.com/?p=751#comment-2379 Wow, I think your surprise and discomfort at her "gene pool" comment are totally founded. Yikes! :( I agree, a more apt framing of her thought could have been that with donor egg you have more control over the gestation of the pregnancy. What frustrates me about this [probably invalid] statistic of hers is that she seems to be ignoring how many children there are in mainstreamed class settings who are both adopted, educationally successful and require limited accomodation. Could the prevalence of adopted children in SpEd classes have anything to do with a general increase in adoptions in general? It's just too fuzzy for her to make such an assertion. Happy ICLW! Wow, I think your surprise and discomfort at her “gene pool” comment are totally founded. Yikes! :( I agree, a more apt framing of her thought could have been that with donor egg you have more control over the gestation of the pregnancy. What frustrates me about this [probably invalid] statistic of hers is that she seems to be ignoring how many children there are in mainstreamed class settings who are both adopted, educationally successful and require limited accomodation. Could the prevalence of adopted children in SpEd classes have anything to do with a general increase in adoptions in general? It’s just too fuzzy for her to make such an assertion.

Happy ICLW!

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