Telling Dad
It wasn’t too bad, even though I had been dreading it for a few months.
Last night Nadia and I dined with Dad and we planned to tell him the big news–about our plans to adopt. I was nervous because he is a 77 year old conservative Christian with very definite views on how life should be lived. And that’s the reason why, during our three year journey, I never told him that I was trying to get pregnant. I always suspected that he would have a big problem with our usage of assisted reproductive technology, and I just didn’t feel like testing the waters in the midst of feeling so vulnerable. But, lately, I’ve been feeling like I need some more support.
On the other hand, he has surprised me on numerous occasions. For example, he totally adores Nadia treating her like a daughter (sometimes treating her better than his own daughter!) Then there was the time that I told him that I was studying to be an interfaith–not Christian– minister and he told him how proud he was.
Would this be any different?
So, at dinner last night, actually over dessert, I took a deep breath, braced myself and said, “Nadia and I are planning to adopt an infant.”
And he looked at us and said in a gruff tone, “So where is this baby coming from?”
And I said, “well, you know about the birds and the bees don’t you?” in an attempt to be funny, but my father wasn’t in a laughing mood. My joke fell flat. He didn’t even crack a smile.
I thought to myself, “Here we go.” The old man will never accept a child that’s not directly from his bloodline.
”Well, Nadia and I are working with a private attorney to identify a birth mom.”
“Isn’t it really, really difficult to get an infant?” He said.
“Not really,” I responded.
Then there was a silence for a few beats.
”Congratulations, “he eventually said. “Keep me posted.”
For my Dad, that’s downright enthusiasm.
Whew!
Acceptance.
Exhilaration.
Thats funny! (The part about your joke falling flat). I’m glad he is ok with it and will support you. Sometimes parents totally surprise you. Best of luck with the adotion.
1So glad he was “enthusiastic!” Sometimes we take what we can get and it’s good that you know your dad well enough not to take offense. Congratulations on the adoption!
Christina
2iclw
funny how we fear the unknown….:-)
3Too funny! Glad it went over well.
4Thanks for sharing! That helps, I am a bit worked up about telling my jesus loving parents that our babies are on the way via IVF and GS…. so maybe there is hope after all.
5thanks again and so happy that he was enthusiastic.
That’s wonderful. I wish my father was that enthusiastic about our plans to foster/adopt!
6Breathe that big sigh of relief and revel in it! Best wishes as you continue on your parenthood journey! I’m sure all it will take for him to be granddad of the year is one look at the precious new face once you get your baby!
7Go, Dad. Don’t you love it when people surprise you?
8I’m glad your Dad took it all in stride! I was raised Catholic, and I know how it can be. Luckily, things like that are usually much worse in my head than they turn out to be. =)
Happy ICLW!
9i’m happy he was pleased! my dad is one of few words too, so i know exactly what you mean when you say that…
10
11You are building such an amazing space for little wing to come into. That is so great that your dad is one board.
12Here from ICLW. I’m so glad to hear your father was “excited” for you. Good luck on the adoption course! My husband and I are considering if but we haven’t made a decision yet. We’re still going through our first IVF.
13As father’s go, that was an enthusiastic response! I also thought his comment about adopting an infant “being hard” showed a rather good insight into how tough adoption can be. IT sounds as though he is going to be almost as excited as you and Nadia when you adopt. (Ok, now I am all teared up at the mental image)
14Isn’t it amazing how we can underestimate our parents? Glad it went well.
ICLW
15I think that the benefits of getting older, is that you even long held beliefs can gain some perspective and flexibility. Underneath his stern demeanour, he truly loves you enough to want what you want – for you to be happy.
16Funny, I had a lot of fear about telling my dad we were considering using donor eggs, I thought his fanatical interest in his own geneology would make him automatically reject any baby that dien’t share his genes, but the first comment out of his mouth was “Couldn’t your (maternal) cousin donate to you?” I was shocked! (Even if she was the right age, we wuldn’t be comfortable asking that of a family member, for lots of reasons). He told me “You do whatever is right for you, and I will support you 100%” Sounds like our dads are much more ‘with it’ than we even know!
17Sorry for being tardy on commenting. I can’t comment from my phone!