Comments on: Embracable, Teachable Moments

By: Felicia

Felicia — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:35:05 +0000

I love these teachable moment posts.

When we first began the process for our domestic adoption we tried to initiate a conversation with our lawyer about race. We are both white, but didn’t necessarily want or need to adopt a white child. Our main concern in regards to potentially becoming a transracial family was that perhaps the CHILD would someday prefer that his/her family had not been transracial (i.e. we were afraid that one day our brown child would look at us and think ‘oh my god , what am I doing with these clueless white people’?). Before we could even begin a discussion, however, our lawyer cut us off with “African American mothers won’t pick you…and they don’t tend to place”.

Well, okay.

And yet in the 14 months wait before we met our son, we were ONLY chosen by African American mothers/expecting mothers. We were ultimately chosen three times. The first two matches did fail, and both of the failures were pretty devastating. After the second our lawyer said she was not comfortable matching us with another African American woman (was she attributing the match failures to race?). We were in the process of researching new adoption professionals who would allow us to match with an African American woman when our son’s mother chose us.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:25:41 +0000

Strange huh, when all one hears about in county and private adoptions of of latino and aa/mixed newborns being placed. the first commenter talked about kinship adoptions, which I agree is much more common in communites of color.

By: deathstar44

deathstar44 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:57:22 +0000

Wow, I always thought that too until I was told to move from bi-racial to African American child if I wanted to speed things up…… and lo and behold – !

By: Rach

Rach — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 03:51:53 +0000

Fantastic read, so happy to have found you today.

ICLW
Rach
http://www.thegalwho.wordpress.com

By: T Lee

T Lee — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 02:12:09 +0000

That seems like such an odd thing to say… or at leas an odd way to put it. Brava, though, for ‘teaching’ people about adoption whenever possible…

ICLW

By: Junebug

Junebug — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:24:55 +0000

Interesting topic. As someone looking into adoption I was told that if I was open to a minority child I would be able to be matched quicker which would say to me that there are more minority children then white but I never thought about asking about the percentages or anything.
In my experience having worked with parents where we provided parenting, domestic violence and anger management classes mostly to people who had been court ordered and their children may or may not be in the system and working with a community Elder Council. I noticed there is a portion of the community who would prefer to put on the best facade so as to not attract any negative attention and/or possibly simple being optimistic. I don’t see it as a negative thing as long as it doesn’t block the discussion of here is a problem that we need to find a way to fix.
I wish you the best of luck on your adoption journey. I love your “teachable moments”. It is so important that more people understand IF and adoption.
ICLW

By: Geochick

Geochick — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:18:43 +0000

Wow. just. WOW. What a difficult conversation.

Happy ICLW

By: Marisa

Marisa — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:07:54 +0000

That is so very fascinating. I have heard what your friend has said in the past but I will admit that i never thought about it in comparison to the number of children in foster care. I hope your research aids in the success of your journey.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:05:25 +0000

I am amazed, and yet NOT, at how some people respond when we get into an adoption discussion. Sometimes I wonder if I am really up for this because I recognize that I am going to have a life of teaching, leading and sharing the facts about adoption and dispelling stereotypes and ignorance. I understand how most are well-meaning people, but sometimes they aren’t and I hope that I will be able to handle that, especially when those moments happen in front of my child.

Happy ICLW,
~nicole

By: Tiffany Pifer

Tiffany Pifer — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:37:34 +0000

I am new to BlogHer and I am looking through the infertility blogs on there, I absolutely love your blog!!! I look forward to following you.

Love, Hugs and Prayers,
Tiffany