The Present Moment
I am shopping for a therapist or a counselor, some might say that “I’m looking for a healer,” experienced with infertility and adoption issues. Last night I held my first interview.
She was very nice. She listened to me talk about my need to find someone who can help me make the transition from infertilty to adoption because I’m really wrestling with this.
She listened to talk about my three year ttc history, the insurance nightmare, the failed IUIs, the failed IVFs, the ’no transfer’ experience, and so on and so forth, and then she said, “I’m hearing you, and it seems as if you have accepted your fate.”
Well I don’t know if I’ve accepted my fate, but I do know that I am trying to accept where I am right now. I am trying to accept what I’ve been through over the past three years and where I am right now. That’s all I can do.
I recently came across a quote from Buddha that I gives me comfort.” The secret to health for both mind and body,” Buddha says ”is not to mourn for the past, nor worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
So I’ve been meditating on that. And I’m still interviewing.
Dont know but maybe resolve or the afa might have therapists on file. And I would read Unsung Lullabies, it helped me enormously
1This post totally resonates with me. I am so sorry that you have not yet found the healer you need. It sounds as though she needs to make you be okay rather than allowing you to authenitically walk through your thoughts and feelings. That is hard and it reminds me of an experience I had.
I sought a therapist after IVF #3 and I specifically chose someone who had experience with infertility patients. I went in being very clear: I needed a place to talk about my pain in safety. I needed someone to sit with me in my pain and not feel the need to fix it or use platitudes or any of the other well-intentioned but painful things people do when they don’t get it. Sadly, my therapist was too uncomfortable with my pain and she could not just.be. She gave me a referral to a new RE clinic at the second visit and she called herself the “holder of my hope” until “I am ready.” BARF! Now realize that I am a therapist so I can talk the talk with the best of them. I couldn’t even cry in her office because she so desperately needed me to be okay when I just wasn’t. As you might imagine, I have not returned. But I still plan to find the right therapist at the new year (when my insurance changes). I am just certain that someone out there can listen without jumping into fixing.
As for the Buddha quote: perfect! Buddhist writings really resonate with me when I am most in pain and am seeking a quiet space in my head. I hope your meditation helps you figure out a way to manage the memories and hurts of the last 3 years.
2Hey! I thought I’d responded to this, but I read it on my phone, and it’s too hard to comment from there.
That therapist needs to read my paper–what dumb thing to say. I wouldn’t go back either. You need somone to bear witness to your pain, not to try to tie it up in a bow. Yeesh.
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