Mommies Here!

Today is the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday. Well, okay, so I turn 39 today. As painful as it is to write in some ways, it is also quite an accomplishment.

I remember when I turned 29. It was a tumultuous time in my life. I was coming out and breaking up with my boyfriend of six years. At one point I thougtht I was going to marry him and six years into it I had no job or place to live at 29. I didn’t know what my thirties would bring and I was scared sh*tless. I sort of feel like that now, although I have so much more going for me now than I did then.

I met Nadia a few days before I turned 30 and it has made all of the difference in my life. I navigated my thirties with such a wonderful, loving partner, the years just flew right by. Now I’m approaching 40 and trying to make a little one. Speaking of the TTC..

 I had an FSH test last week and I almost chewed my nails off waiting for the results. I had some how  convinced myself that I was pre-menopausal ( I think because of the looming birthday) and that my chances of getting pregnant were zero to none. So I waited and waited and waited for the test results–two whole days! I couldn’t even write about it because I was so nervous, flittering between denial and despair. Well, anyhoo, I got the results back and my FSH is 5.9. Yes, you and and Nadia know full well, I can be a bit neurotic and crazy. That is a perfectly fine fsh level.

My other big test was an HSG test to see if my tubes were blocked. My doctor was convinced that my tubes were blocked because of my fibroid surgery and we both thought that would help with my insurance appeal. So I had that test yesterday. And, in sharp contrast, I was cool as a cucumber. Well, I failed that test miserably. LOL

Turns out my tubes are in perfect shape! I could have skipped the entire ordeal. Anyway, I will submit my appeal either today (not likely since it’s my birthday) or tomorrow to my insurance company and the state’s insurance commissioner. So far the letter has a lot of anti-discrimination language and it chronicles the entire sordid tale. I’ll find out the verdict three weeks after I submit.

But regardless of their decision Nadia and I will move forward with my pre-IVF estrogen priming cycle by the end of this month. I don’t want to put this off any longer even if I have to pay for it. Ouch! Even though I’m nervous and scared about getting old. I feel as if I’m approaching a new dawn. I’ll become a mother in this decade one way or the other.