Rundown To The C-Word
It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted, so I’ve decided to do a run down of all the news that fit to print since my last post.
Fertility Update
Nadia and I went to see Dr. Feelgood earlier this month. When he entered the room, he said, ‘That last cycle sucked!” No, shit! He talked about my poor response, my age, and my post-fibroid uterus—all factors that will make it difficult for me to get pregnant. He said that we should and could try again with a different protocol. He said that I would probably never have a cycle that would produce 10 eggs but I could produce four mature ones and that could make all the difference.
I responded by telling him the truth. And the truth of the matter is that I’m not sure if I can keep going back there. I really admire him but I associate that office with 9 failed cycles and that’s a big hump for me to get over. I try to imagine myself getting up at 5 AM to go there for one of a trillion sonograms and my mind goes blank.
Maybe it’s time for a something new?
At the same time, honestly, I don’t know if I have the fortitude to continue at all. I’m definitely not emotionally ready to start again anytime soon. It’s not so much that I didn’t get pregnant, even though that is extremely disappointing, but it’s also the fact that after all of the needles, medication, and sonograms, I only had one embryo to transfer. That makes me feel like a failure, and I told my doctor that. He was very sweet and understanding, assuring me that I’m not responsible for my ovaries or uterus. He told me that if I decided to change doctors, he would completely understand.
Nadia and I have an appointment later this month with another RE to get a second opinion and explore our options.
Insurance Update
But actually, he did have a bit of good news. Because his advocacy with my insurance company, I was given a bit of a reprieve. According to the company, I only have to self-pay for 2 more IUIs before they will cover another IVF. Prior to my doctor’s advocacy, I would have had to pay for 5 more IUI’s, so I guess there is a silver lining to this raincloud. I’m 2 IUIs away from receiving the infertilty diagnosis that I crave. The reason why I wrote, ‘self-pay’ is because this new insurance, the one that Nadia and I are paying extra for, doesn’t pay for IUI’s for women in same-sex relationships. But I guess paying for 2 more IUIs will be cheaper then paying for one more IVF. So, we’ll see.
One option would be for me to do two natural cycle IUI’s and then another round of IVF but who knows when I will feel psychologically ready for that?
The C-Word
So while I have been whining and writing about my fertility struggles, Nadia has been plugging along on her own medical trajectory. Last month she had a routine annual physical. Her doctor noticed some nodules on her thyroid and suggested she get a sonogram. At the time, I thought nothing of it because I read an article on the internet that said that 95% of all thyroid nodules are benign. What would cause me to think that she would be a part of that 5%? So Nadia had the sonogram, sandwiched between giving me fertility shots in the morning and evening and a full day of work. After the sonogram results, her doctor told her to get a biopsy. Again we thought nothing of it. In fact, we were still very nonchalant about it. A few years back, I had a biopsy in my breast and nothing ever came up it. It’s better to be safe than sorry right?
So last week, Nadia went in for a thyroid biopsy and it turns out that she has thyroid cancer.
Ouch!
I’ve never gotten punched in the stomach before, but I imagine that it feels as if the wind has been knocked out of you, similar to how I felt when I heard the news.
All my energy, anxiety, strength and hope are now focused on Nadia and her body and her struggle. Since I heard the news this past Tuesday, I’ve done a lot of research, and it turns out that papillary thyroid cancer is “one of the best cancers to have”, that is, if you have to have cancer at all. Most people have a 100% recovery with no incidence of recurrence but we have yet to see a specialist. We have appointments later this month and until then I am holding my breath.
I titled this post, “Rundown to the C-Word” but I should have titled it, “When It Rains, It Pours.”
It’s pouring.
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