A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to….
Okay, how many times has this happened to you?
I was minding my own business last night when I overheard a message from Nadia’s sister, who is a few months older than me. She said something like ‘please call me back, I have some good news.’ When I told Nadia about the message , we guessed that she was either getting married or pregnant.
Well, it turns out that she is pregnant. And, guess what? She met the baby daddy five months ago. Did you hear me? She met him five months ago.
I am happy for her, she is a decent person and thank God she doesn’t know about this blog. My reaction has nothing to do with her as a person. I just feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. It just hurts sometimes when someone comes along and annouces their success with relative ease, especially since I feel like a complete failure right about now as I wait for my IVF cycle.
Don’t get me wrong, 99.9% of the time, I feel nothing but pure joy for women who are able to achieve their goals, especially those that over 35 and are of (ahem) advanced maternal age. Unfortunately, right now, I am feeling that less than .01%.
If you feel nothing but pure joy 99.9% of the time, then I wager you feel non-joyful less often than 99.9% of the IF world in situations such as the one you’ve described. Meaning, you’re clearly a kind person, and also, it’s okay to have these feelings. Any kind of life challenge makes me wonder “why me?” and not that person over there who is waving her good fortune in my face.
1i tend to get immediately pissed off.. jealous and angry.. when i see pregnant women or hear about a new one, especially in a situation like that. i can’t help it. it just isn’t fair.
visiting from ICLW
2We all have those moments. I cried when I found out my SIL was pregnant. 3 months after her wedding. And she wasn’t even trying.
I’m not proud – but that is what IF does to you. Blessedly, I’m pregnant now too – and haven’t had any issues – she, on the other hand, has been throwing up daily, having major problems sleeping, and big allergy issues. I smile a bit when she calls to complain about how hard her pregnacy is. And then I feel a little evil.
3I know how it is. A good friend, who I would dearly love to raise my children alongside, has just starting TTC. On one hand I want her to get pregnant and not suffer gd’d IF, on the otehr, I don’t want her to get pregnant before I do–it will just hurt so much.
4Here from ICLW. I love the design of your site!
This happens to me more often than not. I am filled with things aside from pure joy when any of the following get pregnant: people who are too young (the age cutoff changes depending on my mood), people who weren’t actually trying, people who get pregnant on the first try (or close to it), people who have been married less than 6 months, people who I think will be bad parents, people who can’t handle the kids they’ve already got, people I don’t like…
Also, even when I’m also happy for them, pregnancy news is more painful coming from family.
Your 99.9% is very impressive! You shouldn’t feel bad at all.
Best of luck with your IVF cycle!
5I’m sorry– this is so hard. I feel like so many people around me have gotten pregnant since we started trying– and so many of them did not want babies (allegedly). I have to disagree with the commenter above who encouraged you to get involved and chat baby stuff– I say, feel ok about protecting yourself. It is ok to stay away from the topic, to not see her as much, and even to not go to the baby shower. One thing I have learned through this process is that I have to be better at protecting myself.
6I know just how you feel. I was pummeled constantly through my 17-year old sister’s pregnancy. I was her sister so I *had* to put on my big girl panties and be supportive of her. Let me tell you – at least for me, participation didn’t dilute anything. Different strokes for different folks. If you need to shelter yourself from it, I think that’s a perfectly acceptable route, too.
7my husband and i found out earlier this year that we have fertility issues and have been seeing an re ever since. i still get *so* mad when i hear someone is pregnant. like my friend who isn’t married and doesn’t even want to be pregnant. our joe’s friend who knocked up his girlfriend and they had to have a quickie wedding. or my brother and his wife who weren’t even trying and literally found out they were pregnant when he took her to the hospital and said, “my wife’s been sick every day for the last few weeks.” i’ve told joe that i can’t talk to people about baby things right now because i’m just so upset that we can’t get pregnant. your feelings are totally normal. we all feel that way.
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